Posted by Benjamin on: 05.28.2007 /
My dad served 2 tours of duty in the Vietnam war. At age 18 he tore up his draft notice for the U.S. Army and went down to talk to the Air Force recruiter. He’s definitely a man with a high practical intelligence, and he was, I believe, considering attrition rate comparisons between the services. He went on to work for the U.S. air force for twenty years, retiring in 1987. After a big argument this past mother’s day, he called and left a message on my cell phone in which he said in a tone of great sorrow and sincere regret “Son, I’m sorry that you are ashamed of me because of my service in the U.S. military.”
That was wrenching to hear. The last thing I want to communicate to my dad is that I’m ashamed of him. He’s a great guy, and from my current 32 year old frame of reference, I can see that he did worse than some but better than most in his role as a father.
The memorial day holiday has really set me to thinking this year. In years past, I’ve pretty much ingnored the holiday. I asked a barista yesterday while she was preparing my (fair trade) coffee “What is Memorial Day about anyway?”. She replied “ummm, I dunno–something about the military?” The two older people behind me in line looked chagrined and charged “Aha–a product of Seattle Public Schools!”. My friend Julie, who preached yesterday about Pentecost, said that older members of her church wished she had mentioned or preached on memorial day. Is it a generational thing?
All this had led me to this question: Has the meaning of “Die for America” changed over the years? Has it become less significant, or more significant? Has the meaning of “America” changed? Memorial Day finds it’s roots in both the North and the South in the American Civil War taking time in May to remember the War Dead. It became a national holiday much later, after World War II, as a nation chose to remember it’s staggering losses in that enormous conflict.
The soldiers in the American civil war were fighting, I guess, for preserving the union, or preserving freedom, or a way of life, or at some level against slavery. The soldiers in World War II were fighting against Hitler and his allies, or against the genocide of Jews, or against Japan.. Was it about self preservation? Preservation of an idea, or an ideal? What did the 3500 U.S. soldiers who have died in Iraq die for?
I can’t get my head around how and why the deaths of U.S. soldiers are more to be remembered than the deaths of civilians, or of opposing soldiers. Maybe I’ve just too far and altogether lost my sense of nationality, of specific place and group. A lower estimate of civilian deaths in Iraq is 70,000. Did you know that, in some strange and powerful way connected with our own Vietnam War Memorial, there are memorials throughout vietnam honoring those who died to conquer the invasive occupying Americans? On this memorial day, as our nation pauses to consider the memory and meaning of the lives and deaths of American soldiers, who will remember the names of at least 70,000 innocent Iraqi civilians who have died since we invaded?
Whom shall I honor tomorrow? As an human being who is increasingly attracted and committed to the idea of non violence, I want to remember those who are heroes of non violence who have lived or died in their quest for peace–people who believed that you can’t fight death and tyranny by killing people–people who believed that the only way to end war and violence and hatred and increase security was to promote forgiveness and kindness and non-violent justice for the poor and those with no voice and little power and love for one’s enemies. Names that spring to mind are Ghandi, and King, Rachel Corrie, and Christian Peacemaker Teams. Who will you be honoring today?
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Comment by: Helen
1 05/28/07 7:34 AM | Comment Link |I don’t know that they are more to be remembered any more than having a Father’s Day means only fathers are ever to be honored.
I think that in earlier times (and Memorial Day was instituted in earlier times), the issues were different. There was no question that Hitler needed to be opposed was there? Every day he stayed in power innocent civilians were being murdered by him.
I would say that being anti current wars doesn’t negate the bravery of people who gave their lives fighting. And honoring that bravery doesn’t diminish the tragedy of innocent civilians dying.
On a more personal level I hope you can convince your Dad you are not ashamed of him. Sometimes ‘the truth’ conveys the wrong message. Jim has said to me a few times lately - it’s not what we say, it’s what they hear that matters.
I’ve noticed that what people hear is often not the same as what I say.
You know your Dad has heard that you’re ashamed. I wonder if there’s something you can say which he will hear as, no, you’re not ashamed. I hope there is. I know it’s not your fault if people have a translator in their head which changes your words into something else. But if you know it’s there maybe you can work backwards and strategically put in the code which gets translated to “Dad, I’m not ashamed of you”. I hope so!
Comment by: RCM- Steve
2 05/29/07 5:10 PM | Comment Link |Wow, Benjamin. Good post. I jumped here from Helen’s website.
I have been a conservative christian for many years, but the last couple of years have found me reviewing many of my conservative outlooks. In the past, I never reviewed my viewpoints because I falsely believed that I had to follow the evangelical party line to be a true Christian. I do not blindly adhere to any party or church’s viewpoint anymore. I can thank the emerging conversation, at least in part, for the courage to review, reconsider, and change my mind if need be.
The questions you raise here resonate deeply inside of me. I found myself in the strange place of standing by the hospital bed of a dear friend who was dying on 09/11/01. When she died later that day, I couldn’t help but question whether her own death was any less tragic than those who lost their lives at the hands of terrorists. It felt weird to question this, but it was true for me nonetheless.
And one of the reasons The Thin Red Line became one of my all time favorite movies was the questioning of the very existence of war and the portrayal of the Japanese as really no different than the Americans when it came to the human emotions of fear, loyalty, anger, family, and tragedy. During the movie I saw individuals, not nations, struggling to survive. It touched something deep inside.
I commend you for writing well and sharing some intimate thoughts with us about your relationship with your father.
I thought Helen’s comments to you were great, both regarding Memorial observances, and nudging you toward your father.
My best to you, bro!
Comment by: Rachel
3 05/29/07 6:33 PM | Comment Link |Welcome to Justice and Compassion, Steve! Your journey over the last few years sounds very similar to my own. I’m glad you’ve joined our conversation.
Comment by: Helen
4 05/29/07 7:52 PM | Comment Link |Thanks Steve!
Comment by: Eliza
5 05/29/07 8:06 PM | Comment Link |It’s so ironic that more Americans (and far, far more people) have died in retaliation for the 9/11/01 terrorist attacks, and in the chaos that has followed, than died in the attacks that day.
And so ironic that terrorist attacks are now commonplace in Iraq - several commonly occur every day. In addition to the sectarian violence ravaging the people there, Iraq has become a magnet for those who want to punish America by harming Americans & other Westerners. May 2007 has been the deadliest month for the US forces in Iraq since Bush declared “mission accomplished.”
In his Memorial Day address at Arlington National Cemetary, Pres. Bush’s closing included these comments:
This is scary. He seems not to understand the nature of terrorism. So deep in the morass now, it feels like our armed forces are being thrown at (and into) the situation, as if there were a military solution that might magically appear if only we throw enough patriotic young lives at it.
Comment by: benjamin ady
6 05/30/07 3:21 PM | Comment Link |Helen, you ask a provocative question, and one which is not as rhetorical as you seem to be guessing.
I’m no historian by a mile. But my understanding is that there was indeed such a question. I’m thinking Neville Chamberlain, U.S. isolationism, etc. etc.
I have had several talks with my dad since mother’s day, and I don’t think he thinks any longer that I’m ashamed of him. Thankyou for encouraging my humanity!
Steve–
I’m sorry to hear about your loss. I’m glad for you, though, that it was a part of a process which it sounds like is making you more and more human. I’ve also been undergoing a similar process. I’ve found one of the problems with increasing humanity is increasing capacity to feel pain =(.
And it seems to me you are clearly, if implicity, saying that we can replace “Japanese” here by “other”. The point being that “other” is a myth. You nailed it.
thankyou for your encouraging words. I have also found the conversation of the emergent church helpful multiple times. Now I shall have to go add thin Red Line to my netflix queue.
Eliza,
You nailed it on several fronts. In fact today we have made May and April the deadliest two month period since invasion, in terms of U.S. deaths. It makes sense to me that the so called “terrorists” are completely and delightedly happy to have The U.S. finance a huge live international war games arena for them, where they can practice and perfect their strategies and tactics agains the biggest and best financed military in the world. Scary is indeed the word to describe it. It just completely boggles my mind that Mr. Bush and friends have managed to so completely and thoroughly mal-learn Vietnam’s lessons.
Comment by: Rachel
7 05/31/07 7:43 AM | Comment Link |Benjamin, my daddy was in the Air Force too, though he was not career military. He served from 1965 to 1969. Thankfully, he stayed stateside that entire time, working on airplane communications equipment. Every since I was a young kid, I’ve been grateful that my daddy was not sent to Vietnam and I’ve wondered how my life might have been different if he had been. I remember a friend in 3rd grade telling me about how her dad would wake up in the middle of the night screaming and she said it was because he had nightmares about Vietnam. I felt lucky that my daddy didn’t have to go.
I guess I feel ambivalent about Dad having been in the Air Force. Clearly the military seemed like a good option for the youngest of four kids from a working class family. They provided him with direction and discipline and the technical training he received formed the foundation for 30 years of gainful employment. But my feelings about the US military and about nationalism, patriotism and militarism in general are largely negative these days.
Dad and I probably would be getting into arguments about my changing views, but we haven’t had the chance. He died of a brain aneurism on May 25, 2003. On Memorial Day, Shawn and Anna and I went to the cemetery to bring flowers and to polish the brass marker the military provided to us after Dad’s death. We sat in the sunshine with our rags and our pile of Q-tips so we can clean and polish between all the letters. The marker says “Air Force” and it also says “Beloved Father and Grandfather” – the second inscription is the one which is important to me.
Comment by: Helen
8 05/31/07 8:29 AM | Comment Link |Hi Benjamin, yes, I think I see what you mean about Hitler. I hope if people had had full knowledge about what he intended to or was already doing they would have not had any questions about whether to oppose him.
I’m glad your Dad doesn’t think you’re ashamed of him - way to go on persevering in your conversations with him!
Comment by: benjamin ady
9 05/31/07 10:16 AM | Comment Link |Helen. Indeed. I wonder if the same sort of thing could be said about LBJ, or Bush?
Comment by: joe
10 06/1/07 4:38 AM | Comment Link |My grandfather was a career soldier - in the British army for 30+ years in many different conflicts in North Africa and the Middle East.
It would grieve me very much if he thought I was ashamed of him. I spent many rememberance day parades with him (in the UK the main war veterans day is on 11 November). He was a gentle man and a gentleman, someone who decided that his duty to his country was to fight.
Like millions of others throughout the world wars, my grandfather took the decision to submit himself to the authority of the Crown in the face of oppression.
There is no dishonour in remembering them, alongside those who took the decision to object to enforced war service.
I do not even have a problem with current soldiers - they are just doing what is asked of them to their best ability.
The thing I object to is the idea put out by the British and US governments that there is a clash of cultures across the world and the only way to protect our lifestyle is to sacrifice our children in needless wars. I don’t accept that there is a clear clash of cultures, but even if there was, war is not the way to solve it.
Comment by: Rachel
11 06/1/07 7:58 AM | Comment Link |Indeed! And we all owe a great debt to the courageous Brits who fought valiantly against Hitler. It was the RAF pilots who dealt the first defeat to the previously unstoppable Nazi Blitzkrieg. As Winston Churchill said, “Never in the field of human conflict was so much owed by so many to so few.”
Comment by: Eliza
12 06/1/07 11:16 PM | Comment Link |Fort Lewis, in Washington, has lost so many soldiers this past month (22 in May) that they’ve announced they’ll no longer be holding individual memorial services. Instead, they’ll hold 1 service each month for those who have lost their lives.
Like the original message here asked - what does it mean to “die for your country”? Does it begin to have a different meaning when the memorials become a mass-processing system?
Comment by: Benjamin Ady
13 06/2/07 2:28 PM | Comment Link |Rachel,
Thankyou for sharing a bit of your story about your dad. I love the fact that the three of you went together to shine up his brass marker. It seems like one thing we severely lack in this country is a memory, and part of that is remembering our parents, and our grandparents, and so on. I remember how strange it seemed to me when I learned about how in Vietnam, they practice a sort of … “ancestor worship”, and often have a little shrine in their house to parents and grandparents who have died. This last quarter we learned about Dias de los muertos in Mexico, when everyone goes and hangs out at the cemetery with candles and food and song, and they remember and honor the dead. It’s a way of getting at our story and the bigger meaning of who we are and what our place in the world is. In a sense I grew up sans this whole “enstorying”, and now I’m hoping to somehow, falteringly (after all, no example!) do this whole enstorying thing for my own children. That seems like what you were doing on memorial day, and that rocks.!
Comment by: Benjamin Ady
14 06/2/07 2:34 PM | Comment Link |Joe, I wish I could have met your grandfather. It sounds like he had a really excellent infuence in your life.
I love this that you said:
It’s hard for me to find that balance between choosing to remember and honor people as people, with their personhood and their humanity, even if I hate what the did or what they are doing–along with what was done and what is being done *to* them–which reduce or destroy that personhood and humanity.
The trick I’ve found is that I’m only able to be nice and honoring and gentle with people to the same degree that I can do these things with myself. So as I am able to find the balance between hating my own dyshumanity, both as victim and perpetrator, while still loving and hoping for and honoring myself, can I approach reaching this same balance with others.
Comment by: trissa
15 06/3/07 10:28 AM | Comment Link |I think the clear answer to that question is no. When we entered World War II one of our military installations had been bombed by Japan and they and another country (Germany ) had declared war on us. Additionally, many of our allies had been invaded or were being attacked. LBJ and Bush cannot claim anything of the sort.
On to a totally different subject. My brother is in the Air Force, specifically a special forces unit that is so exclusive it took him three years of training to even be field worthy. There are only 250 active Combat Controllers in the entire AF and he worked his ass off to be one of them. Through out the last three years I have seen my brother change. Become a more calm and controlled person. He’s more focused and in some ways more kind. However, I don’t know what he’s like when he is doing drills or exercises. With that said, I am very proud of him. He has worked so hard and has continued on when quitting would have been much easier. On the other hand I think his top boss (Bush) is completely psychotic and I find it very upsetting that my brother will have to carry out his orders.
When I think of Memorial Day I picture the other sisters out there whose brothers died. I think of the individual people and the pain their family felt when they were killed in combat.
I wonder if their deaths are only meaningful if they died while serving in a conflict that was morally right or is their sacrifice for their country always meaningful?
Comment by: David H
16 06/6/07 8:32 PM | Comment Link |Having attended a Mennonite church for close to a decade, the issue of non-violence has often come up in discussions. A woman from our church recently volunteered to spend time with a Peacemaker team in Columbia. And I frequently recall a picture I moved as part of my job – a photo editor for a large daily newspaper – of a Mennonite man standing in front of an Israeli tank that was intent on demolishing a Palestinian market during a West Bank incursion. Memorial Day was not made for them, but their efforts require as much risk and bravery as those of many military people. And what they do certainly seems in the keeping with Christ’s call to love your neighbor as yourself.
I can understand why nations wage wars. The conflicts are almost always a clash of national interests (what you have that I want and what I have that you want). Morality may play some role, but it is seldom the launch-pad. Even in WWII the United States did not become part of the conflict until attacked by Japan. Four days after the sneak attack the US declared war against Germany. While there might have been a moral imperative to the war, it wasn’t imperative enough for his nation to join the fight until after our national interest was challenged via a direct attack by one of the Axis nations.
Even under those circumstances, the meaning or value of the lives spent seems largely based on whether national interests were preserved or protected. World War II vets living and dead are proud reminders that an evil regime was defeated. Korea is largely forgotten because there was neither victory or defeat. It took this country 20 years to come to terms with the veterans of Vietnam because their sacrifice came to nothing.
The problem for me is that I can’t find where Christ allows national interests to be part of the equation on the value of any human life. If Christ is my King, if his kingdom is my ultimate citizenship, then I must have different allegiances and values.
I don’t denegrate the effort of US military personnel. Both of my grandfathers served and my younger brother was in the Light Infantry long enough to help invade Panama. In fact, that little intervention typifies the moral dilemmas of modern war. The US government decided it was necessary to supply weapons for two conflicts (one a fight against western communists and the other a bloody war between an avowed enemy – the Ayatollah’s Iran, which we were ironically backing – and an old friend – Saddam’s Iraq, who we now opposed because he had jumped in bed with the Soviets) but couldn’t be seen acting as an obvious ally to either. While black budget funds were available to buy some weapons, the CIA decided they could parlay that into a bigger wad of cash by “investing” in the Columbian drug trade. The middleman in the deal was a tin-pot Central American dictator named Manuel Noriega. (Remarkably, Noriega is scheduled to be released from US prison in September of this year. He was sentenced for convictions on drug dealing, racketeering and money laundering.) As continuing fall-out the US still sends money and advisors to Colombia to fight drug cartels and revolutionaries that were strengthened by our policies. Billions of dollars have been spent and thousands of lives lost in a tragic situation terribly worsened by the pursuit of our national interests.
The fault for this tragedy or the one developing in Iraq can’t be laid at the feet of the US soldiers in the field. They are doing their duty as they see it. And the respect due them shouldn’t be diminished by the cause or the outcome. My problem is with the leaders blindly pursuing “American interests” regardless of the cost to others. Has their effort made the world a better or safer place? How many wars need to be fought before they learn that violence, whether pre-emptive or reactionary (if the difference can even be told anymore), only results in more violence?
Most especially, my problem is with the leaders claiming to act on behalf of God. When will confessed followers of Jesus stop endorsing the violence and bloodshed in his name? The Old Testament may be full of nations fighting nations in the name of God. But the gospels provide an example that leaves no room for killing, only dying.
There is no shame in showing proper respect for those who served in our military, fought in our wars and died for our causes (whether right or wrong the sacrifice is the same). It doesn’t even take much effort and they demand little else than a few days each year and an appropriate monument. Much harder for those who claim to follow Christ is to remember and honor and imitate him every day — regardless of the cost.
Comment by: Rachel
17 06/7/07 7:53 AM | Comment Link |Wow! Awesome post, David! Have you ever considered going into the ministry?
Comment by: Justice and Compassion
18 06/7/07 8:06 AM | Comment Link |[...] the What does it mean to “die for your country?” thread, David H. left this thought-provoking comment: The problem for me is that I can’t find [...]
Comment by: David H
19 06/7/07 10:31 AM | Comment Link |Rachel, if you mean have I ever considered being a pastor. The answer is yes, but there are many reasons why that appears unlikely to occur. However, as a follower of Jesus, I am already a “minister” for him — as is everyone who pledges their allegiance to him.